When looking for new partners:
DON'T assume that someone knows what they're doing just because they sound experienced / have a big toy bag / taught a class once
DO check references (and be sure they are reliable)
IGNORE any assertion that “a true submissive would ...” or that you need to be submissive in order to be a good
rope bottom, or that bottoming makes you submissive
AVOID tops who don't want you to have a safeword, limits, or independent interaction with the community
SPEAK UP if someone makes you uncomfortable or violates your boundaries – if you're at an event, promptly
advise the host
When playing with somebody new:
DO ask a friend who knows your limits to observe
DO use safecalls if you must play in private
DO let your top know what your needs are for before, during, and after play
DO tell your top about any medical conditions, injuries, or physical limitations
DO advise your top ahead of time if there is anyone you would want to join in while you are playing - DO make sure you know how to safeword, including nonverbally.
Whenever playing with rope:
DON'T leap into difficult ties without experience
DON'T play when dehydrated, hungry, exhausted, or sick
DON'T play intoxicated or with impaired judgment
DO warm up and/or stretch before playing
DO communicate when something doesn't feel right
DON'T ignore what your body is telling you to avoid ending play; ask to do something different or take a break
DO learn about your body so that you know what is safe for you and can recognize danger signs
DO talk with others about how they experience rope and how they stay safe while rope bottoming
DON'T rely solely on your top's judgment for safety; determine for yourself whether an activity/situation is safe, and insist any concerns you have be addressed
ALWAYS pay attention for warning signs of nerve compression: tingling, numbness, and loss of strength/motion should be taken seriously even if not painful; lasting damage can occur quickly and without discomfort at the time of injury
ROPE INTRODUCTION
One of the most important points to remember about rope bondage, besides having fun, is there is always a risk. There are risks attached to every bondage scenario, even with the best bondage riggers and models. It’s possible to minimize risk by being risk and self-aware, informed and working with a rigger who has good skill and is risk aware. You will significantly reduce the risks of bondage, but you will never eliminate them entirely.
It is important to remember that every person’s body is different, what is correct for you, might be dangerous for another person. As you gain experience and self-awareness in bondage you may find that your personal preferences and what your body needs differs from the guidelines in this resource. It is the rigger’s responsibility to ensure they are doing the right thing for you. It is your responsibility to communicate with the rigger. You both have responsibility to one another.
Responsibility
You are responsible for you. You are responsible for the decision of who you allow to tie you. It is up to you to inform yourself of the risks involved in what you are about to do. Sometimes that risk might be not knowing what is about to happen. It is important to speak up without hesitation if you are not happy during a rope session.
Educate yourself. Be aware. Know your limits; especially know the limits of your own knowledge. Learn about your anatomy and personal vulnerabilities. It is good practice to disclose any health problems to your rigger and inform them of anything you think they should know, for example, any mental or physical conditions or injuries that may impact on your rope time. Ask your rigger if they have anything to tell you that might impact on your rope experience.
Anatomy
By having a basic understanding of human anatomy and good knowledge of common vulnerabilities, you will ultimately make your bondage experience safer and more enjoyable. If nerves are injured, you can lose sensation and movement in part of your body. Clearly, it is important to make every effort to avoid nerve damage. Unfortunately, this is not always possible and nerve injuries are one of the most common injuries with rope bondage, especially with suspension.
Nerve and Circulation Concerns
Tingles or ‘pins and needles’ in your hands or any body part is your body warning you something is wrong. The two most common causes of a prickly tingle feeling are loss of circulation and nerve injury. There are a few symptoms which can tell us what the problem is, these symptoms may not be present every time. Nerve injury is distinct because in most cases only part of the hand will be numb or present with a prickly ‘pins and needles’ feeling. A characteristic of nerve problems is that this feeling will present in only part of the hand.
There are some measures to check for nerve problems while you are bound or suspended.
- Your rigger can ask you to squeeze their hand. this demonstrates the strength in your hand.
- Your rigger can place their hand on the back of yours and ask you to push back against them. This is importantbecause with nerve problems you might have no problems squeezing and still have a nerve problem, this test will help determine if a nerve problem has occurred.
- Your rigger can gently run their nails along the back of your hand to test for dull/loss of sensation.
- You can check your mobility and sensitivity yourself by touching your fingers sequentially, squeezing and moving your hands back to push against your body or rope if possible.
If you have any of these symptoms for longer than 2 hours, go to a doctor or A&E. Circulation problems in rope bondage are caused by preventing blood flowing to/from a limb or body part. This is not as urgent as nerve problems, but it is still a warning and should not be ignored. The more practice you have in rope the more body aware the better able you will be to judge how urgent it is for you.
Loss of circulation can be identified by skin color changing, for example skin turning blue or purple. This color change is very personal, some bottoms’ skin will change color very quickly, but they will remain comfortable in the rope, whilst others will need to be untied. Communication at this point is vital and if this is something you are aware of it is a good idea to let your rigger know before they tie you. Another common symptom of a circulation problem is your entire hand, arm, leg or bound body part may go numb or tingle.
Relieving circulation problems can be helped by the following:
- Having your rigger running their fingers under the wraps of rope to adjust the rope.
- If your arms are tied in a parallel box position, swapping the position of your forearms.
- Flexing your muscles will help to circulate your blood; clenching and unclenching your hands can help alleviate tingling.
- When untied the symptoms should disappear almost immediately.
Circulation problems do not mean the nerves are suffering. The main concern with circulation problems is the symptoms can mask symptoms of nerve problems. If your whole hand is numb and tingling from loss of circulation, you have no way to know if part of your hand is tingling from nerve injury. If you are at all unsure about any symptoms and if you have tingles in any body part whilst in bondage, it is time to be untied. You can always be tied up again later.
Nerve injury often happens instantly. This makes it particularly dangerous because by the time you notice a problem the damage is done, and recovery is needed. In contrast, if there is loss of circulation you get symptoms long before there is any danger. This is why it is important to communicate to your rigger when something does not feel right. If they act immediately it can reduce or eliminate potential damage. Nerve damage can be cumulative and build up over time with repeated episodes of risky bondage. If you have had nerve injury, it is recommended not to have rope on any injured area for 6 months to allow full recovery and prevent cumulative nerve injury.
Communication
I cannot emphasize strongly enough that communication is key to each and every bondage experience, before, during and after a scene or session. Verbal and non-verbal communication is necessary.
Before - It is important to inform your rigger of health problems before rope bondage, including:
Health Conditions you may have eg. breathing, pacemaker, heart, claustrophobia, circulation and nerve damage problems
Mobility problems due to body injuries.
Psychological or emotional problems that are significant to your rope experience.
Anything else that may impact your bondage experience or increase the risk.
During - It is important to communicate during bondage. You might like to communicate the following information:
How the bondage feels. Is it pinching? Does it feel stressful? Are you enjoying it? This can be spoken or some kind of acknowledgement, a pleasurable moan, heavy breathing, a scream, and pleading-I-want-to- kill-you-when-you-untie-me eyes are a few examples.
If you feel a pinch from the rope let your rigger know. A small adjustment can transform a tie.
Let your rigger know if you have any feeling of tingly fingers whilst in bondage which will give your rigger time to react to the problem. The sooner you make them aware of any problems, the better the outcome will be.
After - It can be helpful to give feedback afterwards such as:
Reflecting on your experience, how you felt emotionally and physically, can not only help you grow as a bottom, but you will also aid your rigger improve their own skill and awareness.
If anything was different to your expectations or of anything went wrong, it is really important for both of you to discuss it.
Self-awareness can be cultivated through an extended period of self-examination, when you take the time to process and reflect upon your experience you may begin to notice trends emerging relating to your bodies responses to stress and your emotional reactions. One very useful technique is to keep a rope journal to record your experiences and feelings in a similar way to athletes keeping training journals. This can really help you to build up an accurate image over time.
Stress
Rope bondage will cause a varying degree of stress on the body. Stress occurs in most full and partial suspensions and even during some floor bondage. It is helpful to make sure that you are as fit and healthy as possible to help you to withstand physical stress caused by rope play. A physically fit person will be able to withstand bondage for longer than an unfit person. They will recover from any bruising quicker and will find that their breathing is not as badly restricted. In the event of nerve injury, the fitter you are the quicker you will heal. Bondage can be emotionally stressful as well as physically stressful, so it is important to ensure that you are mentally prepared for bondage.
Before you consent to be tied ask yourself if you are in the right state of mind to be placed in bondage. Most people find it helpful to be calm and relaxed but alert and present in the moment for rope bondage. Bondage, other than that which is specifically designed to be painful, should not cause pain unless that is the riggers intention. You should not have to suffer through bad rigging. If you are hurting and your rigger did not intend or is not aware then the scene is not controlled and can cause pain to the rope bottom due to inexperience or lack of skill on the part of the rigger.
Stretching
Increased flexibility cannot be achieved instantly but must be regularly worked on and maintained. Bondage, just like any physical activity, should have a warmup to avoid injury. It is good practice to move around and stretch gently before bondage to warm your muscles. Slow, measured movement while in bondage and flexing your muscles will help circulate the blood around your body. This kind of movement or slow stretching will reduce tingling and help to prevent muscle ache. If your fingers begin to feel tingly tell your rigger immediately. Clenching and un-clenching your fist can help with tingly fingers. Working on your core strength will be beneficial for rope bondage It will help with breathing and enable you to withstand a variety of stressful positions, particularly when suspended.
Nutrition
Do not skip any meals before bondage. It can be good to avoid large heavy meals. You will get to know what your body wants before and after bondage. Have snacks and a sugary drink to hand for between ties or for after your scene. Being in bondage might appear static but just being in rope uses a lot of energy and can be physically, mentally and emotionally stressful. Dynamic transitions can cause even more exertion. Make sure you drink plenty of water and use the bathroom prior to a scene.
Negotiation
Negotiating should always be done before a scene. The more often you negotiate the better you will become at communicating your needs. Your negotiation may change day to day and from person to person. You have the right to decide what you are happy to do during each rope scene in conversation with your rigger. You can negotiate everything, from lab time (practice time), workshops, play at home, play at clubs, performances; remember anything and everything can be negotiated. It is two-way street and is about the rigger just as much as it is about the bottom. Any rigger that puts pressure on you to do something you have said you are not comfortable with is not to be trusted. It may be best not to allow such a person to tie you.
Negotiation can cover anything you want to discuss before rope, including if you want aftercare or if you need anything afterwards.
Other useful topics to negotiate include:
• Where you will play.
• When and who will be involved?
• Will sex be involved, what do you define as sex? Try to be clear regarding intimate topics, for example, where it’s OK to touch and if penetration is OK. Try to avoid ambiguous answers.
Be direct.
• What activities other than rope might you include?
• Are you OK with being marked, if so how much?
• Do you use a safeword? Don’t forget to be clear on safewords for example, is the safeword ‘Red’ or do you have another safeword that you prefer?
Coming Undone
You might be halfway through your scene and discover you have a limit you forgot to mention. There is nothing wrong with just explaining you forgot to mention this limit.
Take note of your rigger’s response: They shouldn’t sigh in disapproval or irritation if a tie doesn’t go as planned. See these as the great learning curve it might be, embrace it and do something else.
For more experienced riggers, this really should not bother them in the slightest.
When you are being untied, it can be tempting to slouch and cross your forearms into a ‘scissor’ position or even
try to wiggle free. This can be a natural reaction to the end of a rope bondage experience. There are some problems caused by this action. First, it can make it difficult for your rigger to untie you and second, by ‘scissoring’ your hands, you put yourself at risk of nerve damage or loss of circulation as the rope will tighten around your forearms and wrists.
As with any exercise, stretching afterwards is very effective, aids recovery and prevents injury. Gentle stretching and slow movement after bondage is recommended, sudden movements can be damaging and risky to your muscles and joints.
If you require aftercare post-scene, make sure these needs are clearly communicated to your rigger for a seamless transition back to reality.